Healing Thoughts for Kerry

I checked my emails on the 1st of August and as usual there was a smattering of junk mail and a few updates from the blogs that I subscribe to by email. I don't have a huge amount of blogging friends but the ones I do have are simply lovely, wonderful people.

I opened an update from one of my friends. Here it is here. It's one of those moments when you can't actually comprehend what you are reading, shock and disbelief take over. 

Kerry's Blog 'Multiple Mummy' was one of the first blogs I started reading when I started my blog 2 years ago. I love her carefree attitude to life and she always struck me as genuinely kind person. I had the privilege of meeting Kerry in person when I went to the CyberMummy conference last year. We hit it off straight away as we had lots in common. It's strange with online friends when you meet them in person as you already know them so well. We spent the evening drinking wine and sharing photos of our kids. 

The email update I opened on the 1st of August told me that Kerry had suffered a brain haemorrhage following a ruptured aneurysm. I've since followed Kerry's progress through her husbands posts on her blog. He is doing a great job keeping the blog going through this difficult time. I know this will mean a lot to Kerry as she worked so hard to make her blog so successful. 

This was the last update from Multiple Daddy where Kerry had taken a turn for the worst due to an infection which put her recovery back a bit. I am wishing for the day that I check my emails and there is an update from Kerry's blog and it's her, on her way home to her loving family. I can't wait until the old MumEnTum gang can meet up again. 

My good friend Liska over at NewMumOnline is holding a #Healing4Kerry event on Saturday at 10pm. I will certainly be thinking about her at this time as I often do daily. Hoping and praying for her health and her safe return to her family. 

If you are a religious person maybe you could put a prayer up for her, if you are not religious maybe you could send some healing vibes her way. 

Mum Tums at the Ready

Just Kidding! 

My Guru, Liska, has started off the New Year with a new found enthusiasm for losing the weight and feeling great. She has inspired me to make a start.

I am not on a diet.

I am not starting a regime.

 If I do I know I will fail and end up here but heavier next year.

Instead, I have joined my local gym which offers loads of classes and I am going to go to the ones that I really enjoy, when I have time and because I actually want to go.  I have also started eating for health. I have planned menus which are based around foods I enjoy. I am practically eating my way through the My Daddy Cooks book by Nick Coffer. I love this book and most of the recipes are healthy and wholesome dishes. It's a fab book, buy it if you are looking for inspiration.

I am not counting syns or points or cheques because as soon as I do I end up feeling deprived and starving which leads to me binging on junk.

I am however, cutting out chocolate. More from a health perspective than a weight perspective. It makes me feel like crap when I eat it. Why am I continually treating my body like a bin?

I will be trying to lose weight, eventually, but I know that before I can start to concentrate on weight loss I need to make eating well 80% of the time and moving my arse 80% of the time, my goal. If I can incorporate these two things into my life, then the weight loss will be a side effect - hopefully.

What I do know is I don't want is to be sitting here typing this next year, fatter and more miserable. I am sick of thinking about it.

Link up with Liska if you want some motivation and support or just have a read so you know your not alone in fighting the flab!

Peace of Cake and Mind

Although I haven't blogged about much in the last few months, I have purposely not blogged about weight loss or diet.

My reason?

I haven't been on one.

Do I feel guilty about this?

Hell no! It's been great.





What the hell am I thinking?

Finally, I have found some peace of mind. I think I have finally discovered the answers to which I have been searching for answers to for the past 12 years. So I felt it was time to share it with you and the rest of the Mumentum crew over at Liska's weight loss linky.

It all started with a man called Trevor. Some of us in the blogosphere know and love Trevor very much and go to bed with him every night. He is the voice of Thinking Slimmer. I bought a slim pod (a bit like a 10 minute hypnotherapy track) from them in July. I listened to it religiously and started to see changes in the way I felt and reacted around food. My goal from the beginning was not really about the weight but more about my control around food.

I often felt out of control around food. I would diet strictly and buy into the latest diet but the problem was that these diets all depended on some sort of willpower. The issue with willpower for me is that it is like an elastic band that gets stretched, tighter and tighter and tighter until SNAP.

When my willpower band inevitably snapped I would go on an almighty binge, eating enough to feel sick and I often was. I would feel incredibly guilty which would lead me then to eat for comfort with the mentality that I might as well fall of the wagon in style. It was very much an all or nothing approach.

So what  has changed?

Trevor was reprogramming my mind but I also came across two ladies whose ideas about weight loss and diets really spoke to me. Sophie and Audrey  are the two chocolate fairies who wrote a book and hold workshops under the title Beyond Chocolate. They speak of throwing away the diet books, ditching the exercise regimes and finding your inner guru. After all, who knows better than you when it comes to what is best for you? They offer wisdom from their own experience and from their experience of working with other women. They offer 10 principles which need not be seen as prescriptive but more suggestive. I won't go into the principles here but they have really helped me focus on small things I can do to regain my control around food. I eat when I am hungry, I eat what I want, I stop when I'm satisfied and I try to move my body in a way I find enjoyable everyday.

How much weight have I lost?

Absolutely none. So far. However, it's not about the weight loss. I have maintained my weight for quite a while now and I know that the excess weight was gained through binging after a diet and I have now broken that cycle. I am eating less but not feeling deprived. I am exercising more but not feeling under pressure. I know that if I continue as I am I will lose weight but the weight loss is simply a side effect of my regained control. Considering all I have going on in my life right now and every thing I have done since starting thinking slimmer and finding Beyond Chocolate, it's a miracle that I haven't piled on the pounds recently. I hope that when I move house and this settle down that the weight will start to shift.

What have I learned?

I have finally realised that I will be the same person I am now when I am thinner. I am a person who is worth more care than I have been giving myself over the past 12 years (since I started dieting). I should enjoy the life I'm living now instead of waiting for my life to start when I'm thinner. I live in the now. I don't let food control my mood but I enjoy eating every morsel that goes in my mouth. I have faith that I know what's best for me and that with time the weight will continue to come off until I stabilise at a weight that is just right for me.

I hope this has interested you and I should also point out that this isn't a sponsored post. I bought my slimpod and my Beyond Chocolate book and nobody is paying me to write favourably about either company.

Supersize Me

It's the second week of our holiday in Florida and I am already several inches wider than I was when I got here. It really isn't difficult to gain weight here. Obviously you treat yourself more when you are on holiday but that isn't the only problem. The thing about Florida that I have found is the abundance of good bad food and the lack of good good food.

I will explain . . .

We have been to several restaurants this week and although I haven't been overly conscious of my 'bad' food intake I do try and make sure that JC gets his 5 a day and doesn't eat too much junk. There really isn't much choice for a main meal beyond hotdogs, hamburgers, chicken tenders and pizza. All of which I am sure have enough salt in them to make you float.

The funny moment comes when I ask the waiter if I can have a fruit salad for JC. It's not on the menu but I don't see it as a huge ask. They look at me like I have just asked them for rare oysters with a side of candy floss but as they are so helpful in the U S of A the waiter offers to pop out to the local shop to get some for me! This wasn't a one off and I am extremely surprised by the lack of healthy options available for kids as well as adults.

I saw a little girl about 3 years old today who was shopping with her very overweight mother. I smiled at her then my eyes were drawn to her legs. I couldn't help but feel sorry for the poor wee soul who could barely walk as her legs were covered in thick rolls of fat. Her feet couldn't fit in her shoes properly and were bulging over the top. It was a hot day and she looked so uncomfortable. I can totally understand why people are overweight living here as the portions are enormous, the food deliciously unhealthy and the access to food is 24hours a day. However, you don't need to eat it all, you don't need to accept what is on the menu, the more people who demand healthier options the more available it will become. Sometimes I feel like the UK is a bit OTT when it comes to healthy eating but I'd rather have that than the supersize mentality that seems to be the norm here.

*disclaimer - this is based on my limited experience of Florida and the restaurants I have visited so I am generalising. There will, I'm sure, be healthier restaurants and not all American children are obese. I did visit a lovely restaurant tonight called Bahama Breeze who served JC with yummy broccoli and fruit salad (alongside some greasy chicken tenders but we will turn a blind eye to that!)

Check out the other weight loss related posts over at Liska's wonderful blog

Think Yourself Slimmer

I have been listening to my slimpod which I bought from Thinking Slimmer and I have just finished my first 21 days. There is no effort involved, you just listen to Trevor's lovely voice every night before bed. The recording lasts for 10 mins so even on the latests of nights, I still managed to plug in my earphones.

Their website states that you will see results within 21 days. This doesn't mean that you will lose loads of weight in 21 days but that you will starts to see changes in your feelings towards food, activity levels and general thought processes around food. Everyone will respond differently but these are some of the positives I have experienced since starting my Thinking Slimmer journey.

•  I no longer obsess or what I am going to eat, what I have eaten or how 'well' I am doing. This is such a freeing experience. 
•  I have had loads of my favourite 'naughty' foods in the house but I have barely touched them and when I have eaten them, I haven't felt guilty or binged at all. 
• I have felt the urge to move more. I have found myself being more active without even thinking about it. I just realise at the end of a day that I have never stopped, barely sat down. 
• I have dropped a dress size. I haven't weighed myself but I know I am losing as my clothes are looser.
• I am eating delicious food but I always stop when I have had enough. I don't feel the need to stuff my face at every meal because I know that there will always be enough food.
• I have started thinking carefully about how I want to change my life for the better. How I can make my life more active and less stressy. 
• I get to sleep quicker and have a better quality of sleep when I listen to my slimpod. 

So far so good and I am really enjoying this 'thoughful' approach to changing my life. I am going to continue for another 21 days. Even though I am going to Florida on Saturday, I don't feel worried about it like I usually would with holidays. I will eat what I want, when I want, I will stop when I'm full and I will be really active when I'm there. I really don't see it as a problem at all. 

For more weight loss stories and inspirations check out the Mumentum Ladies over at Lovely Liska's blog

See Food Diet

Yep, it's been a see food and eat it diet for the past few months. I just haven't been interested. I keep starting Monday diets with grand plans and schemes but by Wednesdays I have fallen off the wagon or simply just forgot about it. So last week I blogged here about changing from the inside. I told you that I was having a think about it and would get back to you.

So as promised, this is the revised plan where I feel I have really though about what helps and hinders me. I should mention here that this isn't a sponsored post just my own opinion.

Mind

I bought a slimpod from Thinking Slimmer it's the 'lose two dress sizes' one. I used to feel that the Paul McKenna one I listened to was too long so I was attracted to the fact that this one is only 10 mins and that you are encouraged to listen to it when you go to bed. So I am officially starting this today and I am hoping for good results. I would like to try the chocoholics slimpod as I am a bit of a chocolate lover and have been really craving chocolate buttons. 

Body

Image courtesy of Zaggora

I am eagerly awaiting my HotPants, the exercise shorts that help you get more out of your workout. I am training for my sponsored 15 mile walk at the end of July so I hope that wearing them on my walks will shape up my thighs and bum.

Image courtesy of Devotion

Soul
On a recommendation from NewMumOnline, I bought 2 Kundalini Yoga and meditation DVD's to try and shape up on the inside (thanks for the guidance Gura Liska and that isn't a joke!). Hopefully these will bring my stress levels down and take me to a place where I can manage my life better. I left my church (Catholic) when I was 18 and have never really connected with anything spiritual since. My issue isn't with religion, it's the institutions that run them. I have found that since I had JC and have really struggled with PND I have felt a bit at a loss as I don't feel I have anything spiritual to turn to in my life. I don't know if this type of yoga is for me but I am willing to give it a try. Lynne over at Ooh Baby - All thing Cuteable is trying out Dru Yoga and there is a new class that has just opened in my area so I might give that a go as well.

So will this be a lasting plan?

I hope so *fingers crossed*

I am linking this up to the Mumentum blog hop and to Lynne's Thinking Slimmer link up.

A Huge First For Me

Yes, it is another CyberMummy post. Sorry, but it has to be done.

Last weekend was a huge first for me. It was the first time I had left my son over night. It wasn't like I had left him on his own to forage for food and drink milk from a hamster style drink dispenser but it was still a bit traumatic for me. I left him with his Dad on the Friday night after putting him down to bed. I got the last bus from Glasgow at 11pm and it got me into London at 8am. No, I didn't sleep. Sleep is impossible when you are seated next to someone who chats incessantly and constantly asks you questions about what a blog is, why I write it and expresses sincere concern for my safety and mental health that I am travelling to London to meet people I met online. I think she was contemplating phoning the social work department or at the very least, my mum voice her concern that I had been groomed online. On a serious note, for advice on protection against such risks check out Liska's sponsor 

When I got to the beautiful Hotel Andaz in Liverpool Street, paid for by my generous sponsor HotPants, I took a quick shower, threw on some clean clothes (including my Hotpants T-shirt, see my photo) and I raided the complementary mini bar to see what snacks I could pack in my bag (just in case I got lost or abducted in the big city, I mean, a girl's got to eat!)



I arrived fashionably late but was welcomed by lots of smiling faces who made me feel very welcome. I spotted my Mumentum cronies at the front and had fun tweeting them with a game of 'I Spy Grumpinator'. I really enjoyed listening to Sarah Brown but then I do have a soft spot for her auld man considering he is from my neck of the woods in Fife, Scotland.



The rest of the day was a bit of a blur - barely time to breathe or take photos but there was time for wine (when is there not time for wine, it's practically my life source since JC started crawling).

Jays's photography workshop - Learnt lots of great tips! 

Tara - Blogger to Blogger Inspiration 

I attended Mocha Beanie Mummy's photography workshop and the blogger to blogger inspiration session. Both of which I really enjoyed. I also attended the session on Vlogging which I found to be extremely inspiring! Nick from My Daddy Cooks is a brilliant speaker, funny and entertaining. Loved the vlog he showed of him just starting out. Hilarious and refreshing! I bought his book and got it signed to me and JC.


My most emotional point of the day was listening to Nickie reading her post about discovering that her 13 month old daughter had Cancer and the events that followed her diagnosis. I don't think there was a dry eye in the room. It made me want to hug my son a little closer and I found myself feeling so grateful for my sons health. It's not until you hear a story like Nickie's that you really get a glimpse into you and your loved ones mortality.

Me and NewMumOnline

For the after party and curry I changed into my party attire (changed my top basically) and had a lovely time chatting with my new friends and getting a little tipsy on the wine. I am proud to say (and Heather from SAHM-loving it is my witness) that I was last to leave the CyberMummy party. So I was the blogger who got the very last ticket to Cybermummy11 and I was last to leave the party, that says everything about me really - My blog should really be called Last Minute Mummy.com. 

some of the #mumentum ladies

Wearing my sponsors T-Shirt

I would like to say a huge thank you to my sponsors, Zaggora - makers of HotPants for sponsoring my accomodation and my Mum - maker of HotStuff (me) for paying my train fair to get home.








When I got home my gorgeous boy gave me a huge smile, cried when I tried to then sit in the front of the car so I sat in the back with him. He held my hand the whole way home in the car and kept looking at me, just to check I was still there. He melts my heart. Enough said.

Mind Over Matter

This is the last Mumentum post before CyberMummy and I feel that there have been some big changes over the past few weeks since linking up with these lovely ladies.

This week I am sharing with you what I feel I have realised about myself so far.

It's all in my head.

I know exactly what I need to do to lose my mum tum (admittedly, I had mine pre JC so I can't blame him!) but I can't do it because my head is all over the place.

I can't be consistent and stick to anything long term. I am all about the latest fad. This doesn't just apply to dieting it applies to my whole existence. It's not just the food and activity that need to change, it's me.

I am on a bit of a journey at the moment because I am working on figuring out who I am and who I want to be.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not all bad. I have some great attributes and I don't want to change everything about myself. I just want to become a person who is calm, positive, healthy, with secure self esteem, confident, full of life and well rounded.

Before, I always focused on what I didn't want to be and if I looked towards my target it was always just size related but it is so much more than that.I am going to be my own Guru and I have a few ideas about how to set about altering my life and achieving the positive changes  I so desperately want to achieve. I might share those next week because I am still thinking them through. I am feeling genuine excitement at the prospect!

Mumentum - I've lost mine

I joined in with Liska's Mumentum linky from week 1 but I missed it on Monday because I was just too annoyed with myself to even think about it.

So better late than never, here is my woe is me post (it must be the week for it Liska!) . . .

I am ill all the time. If I'm not ill then JC is ill. We have been passing this cold and flu virus back and forth for the past few months and it just isn't shifting. It makes losing weight difficult as my plans go on hold while life gets in the way. I am just really fed up feeling poorly all the time and I am sure that this on/off dieting isn't helping matters. My immune system is probably at an all time low at the moment. I don't know what to do for the best. I can't do nothing and just hope that the fat miraculously disappears but I also worry the the constant dieting and falling off the wagon is doing more harm than good. I think I need someone to give me a good shake and tell me to get a grip and knuckle down. I can't blame the weight on JC as he is ten months old but I can blame my recent increase in weight on the fact that I have now stopped breastfeeding and can't consume the same amount of calories anymore.

I am going on holiday to Florida in 6 weeks time and at the rate I am going I should probably avoid visiting SeaWorld just in case they try to keep me for the whale enclosure!

Sorry it's short and sweet but I am totally annoyed and disgusted with myself this week so I have nothing helpful or inspiring to share!

MuMenTuM - This week it's all about the protein

Our little #mumentum group is growing every week and the support on Twitter is fabulous! Liska set up this group to help us all lose our Mum Tums and have us looking and feeling our best. There has been some chat about people going OTT about Cybermummy and that losing weight for a conference is silly. I agree. Losing weight for Cybermummy is silly but Liska did not set this up for Cybermummy. She motivated us by using Cybermummy as an initial goal, something to look forward to and aim towards. I know that this group will continue long after the conference is over.  There are some #mumentum ladies who are not even going to Cybermummy! I just wanted to second what Liska says here that this is not about vanity and that we all have our own personal and important reasons for ditching the mum tum. The support from all the ladies involved is fabulous and just what we all need right now. Liska is the perfect person to host this linky as she is extremely motivating and supportive through her emails to us and her tweets. Thanks Liska! 

Every week a new plan. I have realised that this is not working and that consistency is the key. I have really enjoyed being diet free for a few weeks and I am loving the exercise. I didn't manage my exercise last week as JC had German Measles and I was kept extremely busy nursing him all week. I did stick to my meal plan though and I really enjoyed eating every carefully planned dinner. 

This week I have decided to focus on eating more protein and less carbs as I am feeling a little sluggish. So I am turning to the old faithful Slimming World to help me. I am doing a 'red' week which means I will be eating lots of protein (lean meats, fish, poultry, eggs) with oodles of vegetables and fruit. I started this yesterday and I can feel that I am less bloated already. I have signed up for my classes again this week. I fit this into my week by going when JC is in bed. My local gym runs a class every evening at 8.30/9pm so this gives me plenty of time to put JC to bed and let my dinner digest. 

So here is the plan this week . . . 

Exercise: 4 classes (Body Balance, Body Combat, Aqua jog, Zumba)

Health: drink a glass of water with every meal, 5 a day fruit and veg

Food:

Breakfast - porridge and fruit

Lunch - salad with ham and feta

Day	Dinner
Monday	Bacon and Vegetable Bake with mixed veg
Tuesday	Homemade burgers and salad
Wednesday	Bolognese and salad
Thursday	Chicken Tacos
Friday	Tasty Beef stew and veg
Saturday	Citrus Chicken and mixed veg
Sunday	Tarragon Stuffed Chicken wrapped in bacon with mixed veg

Best Laid Plans

Image Courtesy of Zaggora.com
 (This bum does not belong to me, that would be wishful thinking!)

This is a MuMenTum post that will link up on Liska's blog alongside a few other lovely ladies who want to lose their Mum Tums. The MuMenTum blog hop is open to everyone who has a mum tum and wants rid. We support each other daily through twitter #mumentum and we meet up weekly on a Monday to share our plans, pains, achievements and inner ramblings relating to diet and exercise.

Well I said a few weeks ago that I am giving up diets and focussing on the exercise. It has gone quite well this week. I have been to a few classes at the gym, all ones I really enjoy like body balance and aqua fit. I am going to go to the same classes this week and add in a couple more. My targets for this week are:

• Attend at least 4 classes at the gym (Can't wait to go in my HotPants when they arrive!)
• No unnecessary snacking between meals
• Drink more water, one glass with every meal
• Stick to the planned meals

I like a plan and I always have a good week when I plan out my meals, shop online for the ingredients I need and of course, stick to the plan (this is the hard bit). I have made a meal plan this week and it's not based on any kind of diet at all. I just thought, what do I want to eat? What would the picky hubby eat? What is easy to cook with JC clinging on to my ankles? What can I make that he can also eat? What is cheap to make because I am on a tight budget? What can I cook that will use similar ingredients so that I don't throw out loads at the end of a week?

I feel like I have many plates to spin but I sat down and came up with a plan for the week. I have included it in the post as it might give you inspiration if you feel stuck in a rut or fancy a change. There is nothing fancy about any of the meals. They are plain and simple and that is how I like my food. Sometimes it's the way you cook things that makes the difference. For example, a soggy baked potato done in the micro would look and taste uninspiring but rub a little rock salt and rosemary on it and stick in in the oven under the grill for 5 mins and you will see and taste a huge difference (Jamie Oliver tip). 

I haven't included my breakfast and lunch as it is usually porridge for breakfast and soup and a bread roll for lunch. Sometimes I mix it up with a feta cheese salad or a ham baguette if I am feeling especially adventurous.

Day	Dinner
Monday	Chicken Stirfry with noodles (Cook with sesame oil, remove JC’s portion then add soy sauce for us)
Tuesday	Baked Potato Night with choices of different fillings and corn on the cob and salad (beans, cheese, tuna, bolognese in freezer)
Wednesday	Spaghetti Bolognese (Make a big batch and freeze some)
Thursday	Fish Cakes, sautéed leek and potato, mixed veg (leek and potato are from leftover veg bought for making soup)
Friday	Steak Tacos with Rice (Serve JC’s with a pitta bread)
Saturday	Chicken stuffed with quark, tarragon, garlic and some grated lemon zest, wrapped in bacon cooked in oven 220 for 30 mins. (serve with potatoes and mixed veg)
Sunday	Pasta Night (easy peasy homemade tomato and bacon sauce this week)

I have a new code for anyone who want to pre order a pair of HotPants

The £4.40 I will receive as payment you typing in my code will be donated to the Post Natal Depression Service in Edinburgh run by the charity CrossReach.