Happy 2nd Blog Birthday!

I can't actually believe that this blog is still going! I'm not one for really sticking to things. The amount of times that I have decided to start something (guitar, photography, a new exercise regime) and I've managed for a week and then lost interest. When I opened this blog 2 years ago, I did so for the purpose of venting my new mum frustrations, finding a place to deal with the depths of post natal depression and as a way to connect with people, which I was finding impossible to do in face to face situations at the time.

In a relatively short space of time I became part of the bloggers circle, I was chatting regularly with some great blog writers and getting some fabby feedback on posts I had written. I have always enjoyed writing but it is not an area in which I would've described myself as talented. I've since discovered that I do have a knack for self depreciating, humorous posts as well as honest, heartfelt and raw emotive posts. I think that this strongly reflects my character!

I have toyed with the idea of closing down the blog now that I am 'well' or should I say 'better'. I have thought about the fact that I never seem to find the time to blog now that I am working full time. However, after a bit of soul searching, I've decided to keep going. I would miss having this opportunity to lay myself bare to the nation! I enjoy writing about my life. I love to have a record of my little Grumpinator's early years. I think this year is going to be very interesting with some big changes ahead for us as a family. I would miss my blogging friends (you know who you are) and after the passing of Kerry recently, I feel I owe it to her to keep going.

I feel like I should do an overview of my year but it's been a pretty shitty one if I'm honest. Most of the joy and pleasure of this year has come in the simple moments with my boy. The moments when I look at him and feel my heart bursting with pride and adoration. The moments when he looks at me a certain way, hugs me unprovoked or tells me he loves me. It's those moments that have been significant for me yet I don't seem to blog about them! However, I've scraped the depths and come up with some highlights for you!

January
I started my 366 project so there are plenty photos on my blog (at least until I got fed up and stopped taking photos!). Christmas is a tough time for me in terms of post natal depression. I don't know why. Perhaps it is the extra stress on my emotions at this time of year. January was quite a dark month with posts about feeling useless and about my overeating in the wardrobe of all places. It wasn't all bad though. I went to see Ed Sheeran in Edinburgh which was Amazeballs! I had a night out in Stirling with one of my best mates which included an overnight stay.

February
I wrote one of my favourite posts about my friends, My hubby showed me he could still be romantic, in his own unique way. February was filled with fun times with JC and lots of outdoor fun.





March
I was so happy to share in the joy of my friend Paula's wedding. There was more outdoor fun with a trip to the beach.  There was lots of indoor fun due to rubbish weather so we some baking, painting and water play - mummy of the year award!

April
Saw the arrival and the sad departure of our first bunny, Rabbie :( JC got his first bike! We got the opportunity to review a Polarn O Pyret jacket which JC wore constantly throughout last year. My Dad, Barbora and my little brother Danny came over from Czech Rep for a visit. It was lovely to spend time as a family.

May
JC developed a love for horses! We got some lovely weather which meant lots of time spent outdoors. My Mum and Step Dad got an allotment which meant loads of veg for us! We got a new rabbit (Boris) who I am happy to report is still alive! We investigated the option of sending JC to an outdoor nursery. Our good friends, Greig and Fiona got married. I blogged about how my weight is holding me back from having another baby.




 June
My life at work took a bit of a nose dive. Things were pretty much awful. This is when my 366 started to fall by the wayside. I met up with my bestest Alana for some emotional support and cake of course! Things got so bad that I knew I needed to get out. So I picked myself up, put on a suit and went for a job interview - which I got! This change was bitter sweet. It meant less commuting but a return to full time employment which I still haven't adjusted to.

July
In some sort of moment of craziness, I decided to embark on a 5km a day for 100 days challenge. I raised £200 for Alzheimer's Scotland. I blogged about my Grandad losing his mind to vascular dementia. 







August 
 I didn't blog for the whole month. I think I will need to do a back blog for this month as I can't believe that I didn't even blog on JC's 2nd birthday! Anyway, we had a big party at the house and we went to Almond Valley for a kids party. I started my new job the next day which is probably why I haven't blogged this month. I was incredibly busy!

September
I wrote about the positive impact that walking was having on my life and how I wasn't really cut out for cycling. 

October
We saw that start of JC's vivid imagination and we started taking him ice skating which he just loves!

November 
I blogged about making children more resilient and I blogged about my friend Kerry (who blogs at Multiple Mummy) as she was in hospital after a brain haemorrhage.








December
We had much fun reviewing toys from Ikea. I wrote a post about toddlers being capable of torture. Sadly, I blogged about the loss of people in my life this year including an inspirational woman. RIP Kerry, you live on in our hearts and minds.

Phew! What a year! I can't wait to see what awaits in the year to come. Thanks to everyone who reads this blog and for the support you have given me over the past two years.

 xxx

Happy New Year and Blog Birthday!

A happier family unit this year

I've been offline for a while. With the move and the run up to Christmas I couldn't find the time or inclination to blog. In a way I guess that's a good thing. There was a time when blogging was all the got me through the day. A bit like therapy, I needed the support and outlet it gave me at a time when I felt isolated and overwhelmed with the realisation of how hard motherhood really is, especially in the early days.

We had a wonderful, relaxed Christmas at home with our families close by and it gave me a chance to stop and take stock of just how
far we, as a family, have come in the last year.

Putting on a brave face, this time last year

This time last year I was crying everyday for, what to others, seemed like no reason at all. JC or Grumpinator as he was known at the time, was also crying every day. It seemed like that was all he did although by Christmas the occasional smile was bursting through the pain of colic and reflux. We were living about a 40 minute drive away from both our families and although this really isn't that far, being out of the house was torture for me this time last year and the thought of driving round visiting everyone filled me with dread.


One of the main problems I was having was that I felt like I had nothing to say to anyone. I would be sitting with my family and close friends, who know me as a complete chatterbox and I couldn't think of anything interesting to say at all. I wasn't really interested in hearing about other people, which being quite nosey is unusual behaviour for me. I looked around at my other friends and online at my Facebook friends who had small children of a similar age and was envious of the fun and enjoyment they were getting out of the festive period with their new arrival and wondered what the hell was wrong with me? Why can't I be 'full of joy' and 'overly happy' like all the other mums.

It was a uncomfortable and awful time for me and I didn't make it easy for my friends and family to support me. The turning point really was Christmas day because it had always been my favourite time of year. I realised then that I wasn't well and that I needed to help myself if not let someone else help me. So I did.

October - Just before our move and I was feeling fab! 

I started blogging on New Years Day. I had tried in the past and always got bored and fed up with it but this time was different. I made friends quickly and I found out that I wasn't the only one feeling how I felt. I have made some really good friends this year through blogging and was able to meet some of them at CyberMummy. I started going for counselling with a charity called CrossReach and started feeling better in myself. JC started sleeping through the night which really helped my mood! We went abroad loads this year to Ireland, Czech Republic (twice) and to Florida. I grew closer to my family from spending so much time with them and have a much stronger relationship with my in laws now after spending 2 weeks away with them. I went back to work, an emotional experience but I soon got used to it and now I love working part time. We then moved house to be closer to our families which was a huge step for us. My blog suffered as I started spending more time going out and about with JC on my days off.

My beautiful smiley boy eating his Christmas Dinner!

This Christmas I feel vastly better than I did last year. I wouldn't say I'm back to the old me because I don't think that's possible. Motherhood has changed me and I am still learning to adjust but I love being a mum and I am so proud of my son and what a lovely boy he is becoming. I am excited for the year ahead. I look forward to another year of happiness with my boys, my dogs and my blog. Last year was all about adjustment to family life and motherhood, learning to cook, clean and grow up. This year I will be making sure that I look after myself too. I intend to keep blogging regularly so I hope you stick around to see how my life pans out in the coming year.

If you are a regular reader then thank you so much for your support this year and I hope you keep popping by to say hi. If you are new to my blog then please stick around, it would be lovely to get to know you!

Happy New Year!