Saturday, 23 June 2012

One More Step Along the World I Go

WORK IN PROGRESS


I have a new job! I've been looking for a permanent job in the local authority which I now live in for about 4 years with no success. In these difficult times, even teaching jobs are really hard to come by. I have been commuting since my return to work in August and lately it has really started to wear me down. It's a hour each way on a good day but can often by an hour and 20 and that's before dropping Grumpinator at his childminders.

I've really had a lot going on in my personal and work life lately and I don't feel like I can blog about anything that has been upsetting me. This has been really frustrating and the reason for my lack of blogging. I even gave up/temporarily haulted my 366 project 3 weeks ago because my mind just wasn't clear at all.

I had a really awful day a fortnight ago, the details of which I can't discuss but at lunchtime I looked on the job site. I was astounded to see a permanent Support For Learning Teacher job in the council I live in. This is the first permanent job I have seen for about 2 years! I felt like it must be fate but the closing date was the next day.

I frantically filled in the application that night and got my references together. The application went in on time and by the following week I had an interview. I went to the interview on Tuesday and I felt that I had done pretty well considering that since having Grumpinator I've felt a little 'rusty' in the workplace.

Well, an hour after the interview they were phoning me at work. I got the job!

Great!

Brilliant!

Well, actually no.

It is brilliant that I have a new job, in the council I want to work in, in the job I've always planned on sidestepping into, in a lovely school with friendly staff but there is a BUT . . .

It's full time.

Now I know that there will be parents reading this who had no choice or indeed felt it was right for them to work full time so I mean no disrespect to you. I think these decisions are personal and different for everyone.

I suffered quite badly with post natal depression and really didn't enjoy the first year of motherhood so when faced with going back to work, I naturally choose part time. It's worked out OK financially and the 3 day working week was a refreshing balance with family life. I wasn't planning on ever going back full time. Well, at least not in the foreseeable future.

This job is a full time with a half day Friday. I'll still get my oodles worth of holidays to spend with him but I'm scared of losing the precious 'us' time. I've always felt that I had time to make up for with him as the first year of his life with so difficult.

What has made me feel worse is that everyone I've spoken to about the increase in hours has tilted their head to the side, raised their eyebrows and frowned a sympathetic look. I know that these reactions are unconscious and probably a reaction to my own body language regarding it but it doesn't help.

As my good friend Annie told me this week, it's 'one more step along the world I go' and I suppose it doesn't have to be forever. It's just another chapter in the ever changing book of life.

2 comments:

  1. It doesn't have to be forever Claire and the good thing about working in the pulic sector is that they are usually very open to job sharing ect so maybe that would be a possibility at some point once you get established?  The great thing is that you have got a job you really wanted and yes, it's a little tough not spending so much time at home but it will make that time all the more special.  You and the grumpinator WILL be fine x

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  2. Yes I plan on really valuing the time I do spend with him and will try my best to make it quality time. This means being 'creative' with the housework and daily slog of chores! The extra money will come in handy too!

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