Tuesday, 15 November 2011

Letting go of the Mummy Reins

I took this picture on my day off last week when we went out for a nice winter walk
It's been a big adjustment going back to work and my main expectation was that my biggest problem with being a working mum would be that fact that I would miss him. I worried about missing out on the big moments, the 'firsts' that might occur when I was out at work.

I'm only working 3 days a week and I like the balance. I do miss him but I find that I am so busy fitting everything into my reduced week that I rarely have time to worry about it. As yet, I haven't missed any big moments as most of the really 'big' things like first steps and words have already happened. So imagine my surprise when out of the blue this week I end up in tears again over this subject.

I didn't expect this to upset me but it did.

Here is some background  - My Mother in Law does some of my childcare and a childminder does the other days. I guess I haven't been spending as much quality time with him as I usually do due to the move, working and finishing up with the band. So here's what happened.

At the weekend, he fell and hurt himself and when I was trying to comfort him he started pushing me away. He didn't want me to comfort him, he wanted his Gran. He has spent a lot of time with her this week and the relationship between them is really strengthening (which I love and encourage but it still pulled at my heartstrings when this happened).

Then after I had been out working all night in the band and I didn't see him for over 24 hours he didn't really care when I walked in to pick him up. He just giggled and ran away. He used to run to me and give me hugs. He used to light up when I entered the room but that seems to have gone.

Then today I went to pick him up from the childminder but when he saw me he started crying. He knew I was there to pick him up. He didn't want to leave. When I tried to get him in the car he took a huge tantrum. I cried all the way home in the car, big sobs. I feel like I am losing my special relationship with him and I don't know why or what to do about it.

I suppose I could look at it in a positive way. I can be thankful that he has really strong relationships with other important adults in his life, that he is secure enough to know that I am coming back, that he doesn't cling around my leg as I'm leaving which would subsequently fill me with guilt for the rest of the day. I suppose I should think that this is temporary and that when I move house I will have more time to spend with him. I should focus on those times when he gives me the 'love' look, gives me kisses and hugs me when he is tired. But it's hard and I'm struggling to come to terms with my feelings. So after his bath when we sit in our rocking chair with his milk and story, I will be holding him a little closer tonight.


  1. You know what Claire - I think you may have this the wrong way around.

    I think it's him pulling you closer by making you come to him.

    At the moment, all this is new to him and so, while I'm sure he is having a great time with other people (and I really believe it does benefit children as much as Mums to have some time doing things with others) he doesn't fully understand what's going on.

    By making you to come to him it re-enforces to him his importance to you.

    I would honestly try to see it from that point of view, I do believe it's right.

    I also think that you will find very soon that he settles into the new routine and running to you for hugs and comfort will be something he starts doing again very soon.

  2. Aw Claire hun, I really feel for you but try not to let it upset you too much. Kids have a way of making us feel like this when really they do miss us, they are just testing to see if we still care that's all. They go through phases of having different people as being 'flavour of the month'. MC used to be like this between Matt and I - always playing one of us off against the other one.  He probably sees you busy and wants to show you he's a big boy on the outside but deep down he will always love and miss you - he just wants you to jump over hoops to get to him.  Hugs to you xx

  3. BTW, I'm LOVING the new look blog and that header picture is just soooo gorgeous!

  4. Aaron went through a phase like that and it was short lived.  I felt every painful hour and day and it is HARD.
    BUT spend quality time with him and he'll be yours again once more xxxxxxxxxxx

  5. Thanks Sarah, that's a good way to think about it and hopefully you're right that things will settle down. X

  6. Thanks Heather, I think it's just an emotional and busy time right now and that normally I wouldn't let it get to me but I think it's just an accumulation of events. Thanks for your support x

  7. Thank you! I'm really happy with it x

  8. It is so hard but he will be straight back to you before you know it. Hugs x

  9. That's just kids being kids, they all go through that stage in life. One minute your their best friend, then your not. Its absolutely nothing you are doing, trust me! As somone else said, its probably the other way round really, it's his little way of showing he misses you by playing up a little when you pick him up.

    Once your all moved this weekend, and can settle into normal life, it'll all be good.

    For me, at the minute, I am 500 miles away from Sophie, and have been since July, and what started out as a phone call every day, now when I phone....she's busy being a 13 year old, but you shouldn't take it to heart.

    Don't take any of it to heart, its all part of them growing up, and developing their own little character and personality xx


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