My Top 5 Achievements of 2015

Firstly,  Happy New Year! Secondly, today marks my 5th blog birthday so Happy Blogoversary to me. For the last 2 years I've marked the new year with my top 5 achievements. This year has passed in a bit of a blur. I've found it difficult to think of it in terms of achievements but I dug deep and this is what I came up with...

1. 365 Happy Days - my picture a day that captures some sort of happiness and joy is still going strong. I started it almost 2 years ago and although it can be tough to keep it going it's really worthwhile. What I've noticed as I have reviewed my photos this year is how much more varied they are. Last year, pretty much every photo was of the boys. Don't get me wrong most of them still are but there are a lot of other things making me happy and fulfilling my life too which I think is a sign on a balanced life. If you fancy checking out my year in pictures you can see it below or you can check me out on Instagram. 

2. Surviving Christmas - speaking in terms of mental health, every year around Christmas I actually lose the plot. It is a tough time of year for everyone and although I enjoy it, it seems to send me to a place where I am anxious all the time and feel pretty down.  Not this year though!! For the first year in a long time I got through it smiling. No meltdowns, no tears and no wishing it would just be over. I dialled my festivities back this year, focused on the kids and stopped rushing. It has worked.

3. Ukulele Orchestra - I was never good at attending clubs when I was a kid. I would be enthusiastic until I got the uniform/equipment then I'd get fed up. I joined the Fife Ukulele Orchestra in January last year and I'm really proud of myself for sticking with it. I've met some lovely people and it's great being part of a community group. My uke playing has definitely improved but I am hoping to focus on this much more in 2016.

4. School Boys - I managed to secure Jamie a place at nursery. He's not supposed to start until next December but he got early entry due to his sight issues. I'm pleased to say he is thriving. John started school in August and I am amazed at how much he has grown up in few short months. He is reading, counting and giving me school boy attitude. Also an achievement for me is only being late to pick him up once!! Anyone who knows me will appreciate this has been a challenge for me.

5. Unsuccessful Dieting - it's been another year of trying to eat well and not really managing it. I tried various things none of which worked or was sustainable but I'm encouraged that I've kept trying. I recently joined a slimming world group run by a high school friend of mine. I lost, I gained then lost again but I kept going. I was honest about my shortcomings and cut myself some slack.  I'm not one for resolutions but last year I focussed on my mental health which I'm pleased to say is in a very good place so this year I will be focusing on my physical health. I don't just mean food and exercise, I'm going to be exploring health supplements for my various ailments, trying to get more rest, making more of an effort with myself and of course an adequate intake of Gin! 

So that's it. It's been a pretty chilled year. Next year my focus is physical health, financial stability and free family days out. My blog posts will reflect this. Over the last year I have chosen not to write much as I was lacking inspiration. This year I am going to write about how we spend our family time, not the sugar coated version with smiling photos but with a focus on real parenting and the truth behind the smiling snaps. We are in the process of selling our old house so we are concentrating on tightening our belts to pay for 2 houses while it is on the market. We are going to try and do more free days out and I will be blogging about the places we go and what we get up to in 2016. Watch this space. 

Thank you to my readers, family and friends for giving me an audience for the last 5 years.

Happy New Year!

I bought a house and I filled it with things

I bought a house and I filled it with things.

I had a plan in my head with a predetermined order of service. Buy the house, fill it with things, get married, have a baby or two, teach, settle...

I don't do settling very well. I feel like I am always searching for the next thing. I filled my house with things and it still feels empty. Similarly, I eat and eat yet I still don't feel full.

Over the past 6 months I have been going through a process of self discovery. I have allowed myself an hour a week of uninterrupted naval gazing in an attempt to reconnect with The Path I want to take.

What I have discovered about myself is this. I don't need the 'things' and I am not physically hungry but emotionally so. I am not currently living my life I am existing within a maze that I did not draw for myself but tumbled into through the rabbit hole of life. I am disconnected from who I really am and who I want to be.

Why this could be is debatable and multi layered. I suppose my life was mapped out from a young age. I left school unsure of what I should do next. My dreams of living a life where music was at the centre seemed naive and fanciful. I did what I thought I should do. I went to university. I studied psychology, I've always been drawn to studies of human nature. After leaving university I found it difficult to get employment and when the phone call came to say I had been accepted for teacher training it was a weight off my mind. This is when I properly jumped onto the hamster wheel. Since that time, I have followed the route signposted for me and I stopped thinking for myself.

Since January when I woke up to the charade I was living, I decided that I would try to find out what floats my boat and become an active participant in where my life is headed.

I started by taking back more control over my own house. Running it how I want to run it, raising my kids the way I feel is right and I stopped listening to constant chatter from others who thought they knew better. I still heard them but it was all talking in the wind. It only slows you down if you start listening. I stopped worrying about what people thought of me. I stopped caring if my house was untidy when people visited me. I stopped hiding my ironing in cupboards. I stopped eating cake in the wardrobe (don't ask). It was so freeing to finally just be myself with all my faults. What I found was that the people who love me, still love me. They don't come to see my house. They don't care what size my ironing pile is and they don't care that I like cake, a lot, and that I eat it, a lot.

This transition was probably uncomfortable for some people around me who felt that I was being different and even reckless at times.

I started singing again regularly and bought a new guitar. I became focussed on song writing, an area of my musical life I have always shied away from for fear of embarrassing myself. As I no longer cared as much about the perception others have of me, this barrier was removed.

I was so inspired by this renewed spark in me that I decided to get a tattoo on the wrist of my mic hand to serve as a reminder of who I am.

I am still playing the guitar and I have now started playing the ukulele. I am going to continue to develop my music over the next few years and I am excited for what the future will hold.

I have become a better mother, a better wife and a better friend for I have become a happier person. Most importantly I have stopped buying things. I have started selling and giving away things I don't need. I am decluttering my house much in the same way I have started to declutter my life. I am choosing to live minimally and experience maximally. I filled my house with things and now I am clearing it out.

Watch this space.