Bottlefeeding - Guilt, Shame and Propaganda

I thought I had nothing better to do than to run a quick Google search.

"How to introduce a bottle"

"How to combination feed"

"Dairy intolerance - moving onto bottle from breast"

The short answer is NO, it wasn't that simple.

The Long Story

I breastfed JC until he was 8 months. I loved breastfeeding and I am an advocate of at least trying it. I have written previously about why I think breast is best (for me) and I still stand by all of that but this time has not been a walk in the park for me. I didn't keep well after the birth, I was on anti biotics which caused thrush in my nipples (ouchy ouchy, nippy nippy) and then I had two bouts of mastitis (major ouch). On top of the pain, which I soldiered on through (pass me the Blue Peter badge for perseverance), Laid Back Boy has had really bad reactions every time I eat dairy, forcing me to cut it from my diet. This has been really hard and I don't think I am always able to eliminate it completely leaving me blaming myself for every windy evening that he's doubled over in pain.

After much deliberation, I decided that instead of selfishly holding onto breastfeeding, I would do what I think is best for Laid Back Boy and start the transition to bottle using dairy free milk prescribed by my doctor.

Not only was I feeling like a total wreck  a little down about stopping but I was also feeling like I'd failed to give Jamie something that I so easily provided for JC. Nevertheless, I'm sure that good old Google will point me in the direction of solace and comfort provided by other mothers who are going through the same thing.

Did it hell.

The first site I went to was NHS. Bad decision. Full of 'bad mother, inadequate, failure' messages. Then I went on to Baby Centre which had a forum with someone posing a question relating to switching to bottle. The poor woman asking for advice was jumped upon by the judgemental breast brigade. Asking her patronising questions like 'do you really feel the need to give up the breastfeeding, shouldn't you think about what's best for your baby?' Advice to her was basically don't poison your baby with formula when you have two perfectly good and working breasts. Who gives a shit about how you are feeling, stop being so selfish.

My last resort? Formula Manufacturers website. Surely they will have some pearls of wisdom for me?

This is what I was faced with when I clicked the link to their site . . .

Breastfeeding is best for babies

Please read this important notice first

By clicking the continue button, you will be able to view information about Aptamil infant milks and other products. If you choose to proceed, you are accepting that Aptaclub is supplying this information at your individual request for information purposes.

Breastfeeding is best for babies and provides many benefits. It is important that, in preparation for and during breastfeeding, you eat a healthy, balanced diet. Combined breast and bottle feeding in the first weeks of life may reduce the supply of your own breastmilk, and reversing the decision not to breastfeed is difficult. The social and financial implications of using an infant milk should be considered. Improper use of an infant milk or inappropriate foods or feeding methods may present a health hazard. If you use an infant milk, you should follow manufacturer’s instructions for use carefully – failure to follow the instructions may make your baby ill. Always consult your doctor, midwife or health visitor for advice about feeding your baby.

Every manufacturing site had this information so I'm guessing there must be some sort of legislation attached to it. The thing is, we all know this. We're not stupid.

Formula milk is not tailored to your individual baby, it's expensive, it's harmful if you don't prepare or store it properly. It doesn't help to protect you or your baby against illness and introducing bottles will obviously lower the amount of milk you produce. We all know this. The decision not to breastfeed whether it be at the start of your baby's life or several weeks in, is a personal one and is not taken lightly. I know in my situation I really believe that combination feeding will be best for both my Laid Back Boy and me. I understand that by not exclusively breastfeeding I am viewed by the medical profession as a failure but I don't really care. They are not the ones who are having to comfort my boy in pain from colic and they are not the ones whose boobs are in agony. 

There is an endless amount of pressure on new mums and this is yet another example of the unfair expectations placed upon them. I am still breastfeeding but hoping to start introducing formula soon. I am feeling my way in the dark with it as finding any unbiased information that doesn't make me feel like shit is an impossibility! 

"You won't be stupid enough to breastfeed your second baby!"

Yeah, you read that title right.

When she said that I took a sharp intake of breath too and wondered who the hell she thought she was.

Unfortunately, this wasn't the first time I'd heard this statement from someone. Before all the bottle feeding readers click away, I'll make my stance clear - I'm pro choice. I don't really give a crap what anyone does. I believe that parenting, like religion and politics is one of the most polarising topics to discuss and within the realm of parenting issues, bottle V breast has to be one of the most contentious.

I made a choice to breastfeed. My reasons are my own. I believed it to be the best option for me and my baby. I don't judge others for choosing to bottle feed but if someone asks me what I felt was best for me then every time my answer is breast.

You don't have to look far to witness the breastfeeding propaganda that new mothers are surrounded by. In my maternity hospital waiting room I counted 16 posters all referring to the benefits. I think that ramming it down everyone's throats is actually having the opposite effect. Bottle feeding parents often complain to me about how they are made to feel that they are damaging their child, selfish and useless. That they are judged by the breast brigade to be inadequate. I believe that there are a number of people out there who do perpetrate these opinions, I am not one of them.

It appears though that it doesn't matter which feeding option you choose, you are judged. In my experience as a breastfeeding mother I have had to put up with many negative comments about my choice. From the opinion of the above person who feels that I was 'stupid' to breastfeed first time round as JC had terrible colic, was fussy and didn't sleep well (obviously all of this was caused by my breastfeeding making him clingy and attached) to the 'It's just a bit gross' group who are uncomfortable with the thought of snuggling a baby to your breast (and God forbid you do this in public, I mean who wants to see something so perverse!).

I had a great experience of breastfeeding JC, it wasn't easy and it took perseverance but for me and him it was the right decision. In the darkest days of my post natal depression, it was all the held us together. It kept the bond between us intact. Many postnatally depressed mum's talk about a lack of attachment to their baby, I never felt that thankfully and I think that was due to the feeding. I think it's hard to explain the feeling (a bit like trying to describe an orgasm to a virgin) but there was something so magical in those wee small hours when sitting in a darkened room feeding your baby. The knowing that I was sustaining and nurturing him with my own body. He used to curl his fingers round my pinkie finger and squeeze it while suckling. These were the happiest times for me. I remember when he turned 8 months and started to refuse the breast, opting for a cup of milk instead, I cried. Proper heavy hearted snortling cries because I knew that I had to let go of that special connection with him that had been a crutch for me during the tough times.

I expect the first few weeks of breastfeeding this second baby to be hard work. I am prepared for the cracked bleeding nipples, the possibility of mastitis and the feeding in toilets and the car because you are made to feel dirty for feeding in public. Equally, I am excited about regaining my figure in a timely fashion through the natural uterine contractions that feeding stimulates and that close bond I am going to feel with my new baby.

The first feed - breasts like bloody melons! 

So I guess I am stupid enough to breastfeed again and I don't give a shit what anyone thinks of me!