When Other Mothers Stare

photo by Sarah Tucker

I wrote a post last week about feeling like a useless mother and this is along a similar vein although it's much less self depreciating and more advice seeking. I took JC to soft play today with his little friend and one of my mummy friends. We've been before and had a good experience but this time was very different.

JC is getting over a cold and still has a cough and a runny nose but otherwise is fine and well. Every time he coughed it was as if all the other parents (mostly mothers) expected men in has-mat suits to burst in door and set up an isolation chamber around him so he couldn't infect their little darlings. I mean seriously, what toddler isn't hanging with something at this time of year? It's not like he had pox or slapped cheek or even the dreaded D&V.

Then he was trying to chase the older children and attempting to sneak his way into the big kids play area. Every time I tried to redirect him or pick him up and remove him he took the mother of all tantrums. He is only 17 months but his tantrums at the moment can rival any 2/3 year old's. He is into the slapping of faces when he is stropping and I quiet often bare the brunt of a slap to the face followed by screaming. The hurt and annoyance of this happening at all is only intensified by 'The Stare'.

You know the one, where you feel like everyone in the room/supermarket/bus etc has turned to look at you with utter disapproval as if to say 'discipline your child'.

So please tell me, how should I be disciplining my 17 month old? He's too wee to understand timeouts and naughty steps. I'm not really into smacking, it didn't do me any harm right enough but I just don't feel right about. So please help me out with this, what is it they are expecting from me?

and how should I react to 'The Stare' my impulsive reaction is to tell them to 4 star off but I guess the middle class mummy brigade (or as I like to call them, The Mummy Mafia) will judge me even more.

I suppose I could stick with my Gran's advice 'nobody can make you feel inferior unless you let them'. Great pearl of wisdom there, just harder to put it into practice!

Any advice? Any similar 'Stare' stories? Please Share!

*Sarah Tucker wrote an interesting article about The Mummy Mafia

I'm not a bad mother, just sometimes a useless one.

Ok, so that title is a little over dramatic.

Some days I feel like that though.

I'm guessing that a lot of parents have their off days.

For me, I feel useless when I forget something vital like my spare nappies in his bag or his bib for lunch when we are eating out (because I am human and busy).

Or when I take my attention off him for that moment when he decides to get the courage to climb up on his high chair and dive off landing face first on the laminate (because I am human and busy and he is an independent and fearless child).

Or when I take him to The Ceramic Experience (one of these 'my baby just loves to be creative and do hand prints on ceramics' type of places) and he screams and cries because he would rather be running around the shop or playing in the soft play (because he just isn't ready for this yet and I have too high expectations).

Or when we go to Mothercare with JC on reins and he spends the whole time straining and pulling in the opposite direction and giving the occasional protest shriek. Whilst passing mother's with angelic textbook children who roll their eyes in disapproval (because he is a spirited child and they obviously have no idea what it's like to raise one, either that they have a crap memory).

Or when I lose my temper and shout at him because after 3 attempt to pull my straighteners cord from my hand he manages to get it from me and it lands inches from his hands (because I am human and because I was so scared that he had hurt himself).

These are just a few isolated examples of course and the Mummy guilt goes a lot deeper than what I've listed here.

Some days I think I am doing a great job and that he is the most adorable little person on the planet but then I have an off day like today and I wonder if I actually have a clue about motherhood. But even on these days, I still love him and I still think he's adorable and I still thank my lucky stars that I have him in my life.