Thursday, 2 February 2012

What Your Children Mean To You

Nickie at Typecast is trying to raise awareness of a charity called CLIC Sargent. They are a charity working all over the UK to support children with cancer and their families. They are running a Yummy Mummy campaign and Nickie is supporting them by hosting a writing linky to help raise awareness. I have decided to take part as I think they are such a wonderful charity. The writing prompt this week is: What Your Children Mean To You, here is my attempt.

I was always career driven. Obsessed even. I liked to feel like I was striving further and higher than anybody else. In hindsight, I was probably very annoying. I married my high school sweetheart when we turned 26 after 10 years of being together. Before the wedding I was adamant that I wasn't planning on starting a family for at least a few years. Maybe when I was nearer to 30. I love travelling and thought that having a child would drastically alter my lifestyle and that I would take exception to this.

A week after the wedding, when we were having dinner, I just blurted out 'I think I want to have a baby'. I don't know where this came from because it had never crossed my mind before. I was even more surprised when my hubby, who honestly would admit that he was not the most mature of men at the time, said 'me too'. I was flabbergasted. Although it was a split second decision it took a year for me to fall pregnant so we had plenty of time to get used to the idea.

I always tear up when I think about it. The moment I held him in my arms for the first time. I don't even know how to put the feeling into words. It was like a rush of love and devotion mixed with fear and  uncertainty. I didn't cry at the time. I couldn't stop smiling. Here was the baby that we had waited to meet for 9 months but wanted for longer. He was beautiful. I didn't sleep the first night in hospital. I just watched him sleep. I couldn't take my eyes off him. His peaceful face, full of innocence, was a blank canvas for which the world would in time make it's mark upon but in that moment he was mine, a pure soul.

So to answer the question of what he means to me. He means everything. The thoughts of career, travel, music and the life I had before have faded. I no longer think about what was or what would have been had I not decided to have children. I only think of how much richer my life is with him in it.

I think about the challenges we might face in the future and his health is always one of my biggest fears. I cannot begin to imagine how devastating it must be for a parent to have their child diagnosed with cancer. I think that charities such as CLIC Sargent are doing amazing work to support families going through this. We lost a child in our school last year to cancer, a primary 1. We are working on ideas for a memorial for her in our school garden, something with beautiful flowers as she loved nature and like flowers, she brightened up the world around her.


  1. We seem to share a similar journey to motherhood as well as the pnd thing.  I sometimes think maybe it is a huger jolt for those who have had the work obsession thing going on.  Or perhaps certain types just feel everything very intensely.  Dunno.  Lovely post and you are such a beauty, always love that picture of you.  Thanks for comment on mine.  Must write one as nice as yours sometime soon.  Kate On Thin Ice

  2. I think you are right about the 'type' of person. I remember feeling so confused that I managed to go through my life coping well with everything that was thrown at me - school, university, work, life in general and then all of a sudden I can't even cope with one child. I didn't understand how this could be happening to me! I naively thought that only people who struggle to cope normally (Jeremy Kyle types lol) would have PND because surely someone as highly functioning as me would take to it like a duck to water. How wrong I was! I think that it has made me a better person as I can now accept that I am human not superhuman and perfect but not flawless. Thanks for your lovely comment! x

  3. Such a lovely post. I can see what being a mother means to you, thanks for sharing

  4. This is beautiful, brings a tear to my eye. x

  5. Thanks for sharing this. I was very career driven and have to admit that while my children now mean much, much more to me than my career, the difficulty in not really being able to have both still hurts sometimes.

  6. beautiful post - thanks for sharing it for the #dosomethingyummy campaign.

  7. Kate on Thin Ice has said exactly what I wanted to - i.e. that I should write a post as nice as this.
    How beautiful this post is.
    We have so much in common, I also married my childhood sweetheart.  Got together at 15, got married 13 years later at 28 yet took till 2009 to get pregnant as we kept putting it off and off and off.
    Liska xxxx

  8. Thankyou so much for this lovely blog and that gorgeous newborn shot :) Great to have your support on #dosomethingyummy


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