I am a woman of many hats. I have been finding it difficult to manage my hats recently. I have just gone back to work as a primary school teacher 3 days a week after a year of maternity leave. BJC (Before JC) I was a very career driven, ambitious person who thought nothing of staying at work until stupid o’clock. However, since returning to work on my new part timer status, I am finding it difficult to see where I fit in. I am not the same person I was a year ago. I’m trying not to be gushy but this is the truth, motherhood has changed me. I don’t recognise myself anymore. I am stuck in the in-between unsure of who I am and what I want.
Some people would tell you that you can have a career and a good family life but for me, I don’t believe this to be true. I don’t think you can have both at the same time or least I don’t think I can. I need to focus my energy on one area. I have always wore many hats but they have always been styled towards enhancing my CV or my personal development. My new hats are all about being a better mum for my boy. At the moment my focusses are losing weight so that I am healthier, moving nearer family, sorting out our finances, spending quality time together and giving JC a wide range of experiences.
I can feel the grip I had on my career slipping away and being replaced by poo in the bathtub and gummy smiles. I won’t lie, it’s quite scary. I don’t really know how I feel about. It’s a bit like being on a rollercoaster at the top of a drop. You can see what’s coming and you know deep down that you will be OK but it’s scaring the shit out of you anyway.
Chick, this is oh so familiar to me! I'm sure I don't need to expand on the issues I had as I spoke to you about most of them when you first told me you were expecting JC...it's not going soft it's called becoming a mum and your focus should change when you have a child so you shouldn't feel in anyway bad about that. It is daughnting I know, I remember being clueless about where or what I wanted to do next and it took until Alexander was 2 and a half for me to pick a route. Spend time with your biy, savour every moment, because before you know it he'll be off starting school and more interested in playing with his mates lol!
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