I am a woman of many hats. I have been finding it difficult to manage my hats recently. I have just gone back to work as a primary school teacher 3 days a week after a year of maternity leave. BJC (Before JC) I was a very career driven, ambitious person who thought nothing of staying at work until stupid o’clock. However, since returning to work on my new part timer status, I am finding it difficult to see where I fit in. I am not the same person I was a year ago. I’m trying not to be gushy but this is the truth, motherhood has changed me. I don’t recognise myself anymore. I am stuck in the in-between unsure of who I am and what I want.
Some people would tell you that you can have a career and a good family life but for me, I don’t believe this to be true. I don’t think you can have both at the same time or least I don’t think I can. I need to focus my energy on one area. I have always wore many hats but they have always been styled towards enhancing my CV or my personal development. My new hats are all about being a better mum for my boy. At the moment my focusses are losing weight so that I am healthier, moving nearer family, sorting out our finances, spending quality time together and giving JC a wide range of experiences.
I can feel the grip I had on my career slipping away and being replaced by poo in the bathtub and gummy smiles. I won’t lie, it’s quite scary. I don’t really know how I feel about. It’s a bit like being on a rollercoaster at the top of a drop. You can see what’s coming and you know deep down that you will be OK but it’s scaring the shit out of you anyway.